Yes, I know who Gary Johnson is. I'm still voting for Obama.

I'm not voting for Gary Johnson.

From what I hear, from those pundits and random folks on the internet that are above all the political nonsense, this makes me a horrible, horrible person. Or, to be generous, a really stupid one. One that will willingly trade away rights for security from terrorists, one that is shielded from children being blown up in the Middle East because my focus on Obama's soothing, deep voice is all that matters. One that has compromised their true principles. One that just holds my blue pom-poms and cheers for whatever quarterback they serve up this year.   And as such, any post that might even hint at support for Barry needs to be shouted down, shut down, and dismantled because MY PET POLITICAL CAUSES MATTER THE MOST. MINE. And being that I fully admit I suffer from the same over-inflated, self-righteous ego as everyone else, it follows that I'm starting to get a bit tired of this.

I mean, sure. Perhaps my refusal to vote for Johnson could be because this Obot is just not paying attention. Perhaps it's because I totally heart the Barackster, I have to admit that it is true that I like to look at the White House Flickr pool. And yes, that man can orate the hell out of everything, so perhaps it is because I'm moved by good speeches because feelings. And in the spirit of keeping an open mind... perhaps it is because I'm just a complete idiot that puts more effort into deciding who to vote off of the latest America's Got Talent episode than I do my political elections, even though I don't watch that show.

Perhaps.

Or...

Perhaps it's because I just don't like Gary Johnson. Yes, this is possible!

Because perhaps my refusal to give Johnson the trump card in this election and all future elections ever centers around his completely fake anti-war cred. Perhaps it's because I know that Gary Johnson supports "humanitarian" wars, which I have been paying attention to the political circus long enough to know is just shorthand for "Your wars bad, my wars good" and clearly remember when Iraq became a "humanitarian" war after those WMDs didn't surface. Perhaps it's because Johnson has said he actually might not stop those predator drone attacks his supporters constantly lambaste Obama over, and because - get this - because he wants to "keep all options on the table". I've heard that one before, too! Perhaps it's because he straight up said he won't close Guantanamo, perhaps it's because I'm not going to buy into this whole backpedal claiming he won't do bad things there anymore, pinky-swear, he just thinks we we need an offsite detention center because... tax breaks on balloons for birthday parties there? Perhaps it was his statement that he finds Bradley Manning's discretions "problematic". Perhaps I'm not impressed by his supporters whistling loudly past that graveyard...

 Perhaps I think the fact that he has no chance in hell at winning the presidential election makes this even worse (say what you like about Dr. Ron Paul, but he knew damn well he didn't have a chance in hell either, which is why he could create the illusion of being ideologically pure on these issues which is exactly what the anti-war movement needed). But perhaps I still want a candidate that is an adult, and knows I'm an adult, and seems to know at least a little bit about what he's making grand, uncompromising statements about and instead acknowledges that this is a complicated issue and not a way to rake in support. So perhaps, just perhaps, the 100% anti-war cred Johnson is granted automatically by making vague, non-specific but awesome-sounding statements about "bringing them home" sounds pretty much like all the other simplistic political nonsense that every other campaign makes. Perhaps I stopped buying into the "My pet political issues are more ethical/moral/awesome than your pet political issues" stance a long time ago and stopped using that as a character attack to argue in favor of my preferred candidate. And perhaps, just perhaps, since I'm just not seeing that issue as the best trump card ever that Johnson and his supporters can use to peel off some disillusioned Obama supporters, I'm free to look at other things. And perhaps, just perhaps, I find them seriously flawed as well.

Perhaps I can't really support Johnson because despite all the lip service he plays to the failed War on Drugs, I find giving marijuana a softer classification cause all the white middle class bros are totally into the weed now and we can't have police shooting them up isn't going to stop the drug war and is just cheap pandering to the younger libertarian base. Perhaps it's because Gary Johnson was a big supporter of privatizing prisons while the Governor of New Mexico, and it's pretty blatantly obvious (cash 4 kids, anyone?) that making incarceration profitable within the law-enforcement industry is going to lead to the creation of more crimes to create more "criminals" ready for incarceration which ends up bringing more civil liberties violations than you can shake an illegal raw milk ice cream bar at. Perhaps I can't take someone seriously when they talk about how legalizing marijuana is going to fix everything, because they don't understand that while the War on (Some people that use certain types of) Drugs is sold as a social boogeyman to the public, the real motivation behind it is financially based.

Perhaps it's because I've reached a point in my life where I feel trying to pragmatically approach these issues and make a real change for those around me is more important than patting myself on the back for setting ideals that can never be achieved. Perhaps I don't see myself as the savior of all by supporting someone that will never have a chance to run this country, but thankfully can never prove my idealism wrong when they fall short because of it. Perhaps it's because I know that politics has an real impact on people's lives and is not merely some intellectual discussion, and that for those that do not have the same privileges that I have in this life, it matters far beyond internet arguments and self-righteous circle-jerks because it hits home at the dinner table, or place of employment, or even the doctor's office. Perhaps I just can't take someone seriously when they swear that all veterans and soldiers will receive the bestest care possible always and always and always but also swears they are too ideologically pure to vote for the NDAA, which provides the funds for those sorts of things. Perhaps I can't take someone seriously that actually takes the pundits' words out of their mouths and claims they will use the "bully pulpit" to enact change, as if they fancy themselves some sort of wizard... or dictator.

Perhaps it's because eroding federal protections against discrimination does not strike me as what liberty really looks like. Perhaps it's because I don't believe that property rights trump all other civil rights, perhaps it's because I know that people are a little more complex than simple one-size-fits-all solutions and pleasing slogans about liberty and the Constitution. Perhaps it's because the Obama administration has done more on equality issues than any before it, and because I find it silly to say that a sitting president coming out in favor of gay marriage is pandering but a governor that has no record on this issue is seen as a messiah when he states he same during his run for president. Perhaps it's because I don't find my rights as a woman to be a "distraction" and an so happy that finally, a sitting president gets that.

Perhaps it's because I realize that the position of President does not equal that of a dictator, and as such, a sitting president cannot wave a magical wand and grant everything on my wishlist. Perhaps it's because I know how congress works and realize that half-assed libertarian theories will easily ram a pro-corporate policy through a big-business friendly congress while leaving the pro-people one sitting on the shelf.

Perhaps it's because I'm old enough to remember that election that was so close it was decided by the Supreme Court, that election where everyone was telling me to stop being pragmatic in my voting and go for idealism in the form of Ralph Nader instead. Yet, I didn't see where doing so changed the country or politics forever. But perhaps I did see the wars start, and perhaps I was first witness to seeing that door to widespread surveillance of citizens busted wide open, and I saw this country taken down. Perhaps it's because I'm too cynical. Perhaps it's because I'm looking at a candidate that, despite it obviously being his most loyal and numerous selling point in this election against Obama, seems to shrug off talking those civil libertarian issues in anything other than soundbites but can repeatedly provide detailed opinions and links to information on the Flat Tax. Perhaps I just don't agree with what Gary Johnson's view of liberty looks like, no matter how many flags you can find in his YouTube videos and text images on social networking sites contain his picture with some vague statement about liberty.

Perhaps it's because even though I know a complete trust in government is naive, a complete trust in private corporations is even more so, because once you go that route, you don't have the option of voting them out as your overlords. But perhaps it's also because can I see that false dilemma pretty clearly.

Perhaps it's because of the basics of libertarian theory, and I see an economic policy as boiling down to "Trade in your safety net for this crossbow and bag of beans" as naive. Perhaps it's because I know that it is survival that is key for people, so if we fall on hard times and can't get help we are not going to be Dagny's pet Peter, eternally crying on the train tracks at the life they cannot have, but will instead take any path necessary to keep going.

Perhaps it's because when the most important question ever was proposed to him, Johnson went with the horse-sized duck, which is certain death, people.

To sum up, yeah, I know who Gary Johnson is. And I'm still not voting for him.

Spin that.

The Ultimate Online Political Debate Translation Guide

I debate a lot online. I find it to be an excellent mental exercise, and I think it helps me from becoming an arrogant jackass.

Well, for the most part. See, I've been doing this for a decade of my life (literally - excuse me while I go cry about that. Okay! Back!). And as such, I've gotten so accustomed to certain patterns that happen during online debates, certain things that are said and certain reactions that accompany them, that I've started to fall into a bad pattern myself, and that is reading something completely different then what my sparring partner wrote. Perhaps this is a scientific experiment, perhaps it is just my being bored and amusing myself. I leave it to you, dear reader, to gauge if these interpretations are legitimate or not. Or at the very least, enjoy reading them, because we all know that one guy, right?

"I've given up on politics/I don't vote/The game is rigged/Both parties are the same"

I really have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to politics, but I really want you to believe that I do because it makes me look cool at cocktail parties.

"I only vote for the [insert fringe political flavor of the year here] party because I think we need to shake things up"

I have so much systematic privilege that I can treat politics as a joke or social experiment. Ha ha, fuck you, poors.

"Politics is just too hostile and cynical these days"

I don't really see why I should give any fucks about the forces shaping my society when it gives me a sad and The Kardashians are on.

"I don't believe in censorship/I support the 1st amendment!"

There has to be something illegal about you hurting my feelings

"I have thick skin"

I'm going to pretend that I'm really irreverent so that I can be really insulting to you. But the second you say something mildly upsetting to me, I'm going to completely lose my shit because only I'm allowed to be a dick here.

"The issue of race/gender/religion is too prone to irrationality from ALL sides to have a serious discussion about it"

I am unable to talk about race/gender/religion without getting upset. I'm just going to project this onto everyone else so I can still convince myself that I'm a rational and level-headed human being.

"I just want to have an honest/calm/rational discussion about this"

I'm a bit insecure and uninformed when it comes to this particular subject, so I'm going to need you to just agree with everything I say.

"I'll pray for you"

Fuck you.

"We can just agree to disagree"

Seriously. Fuck you.

"Sweetie/Honey/Dear/Kitten/Darling"

Fuck you. Bitch.

"Well, as we all know Aristotle/Locke/Machiavelli/Hobbes/Hitchens/ said..."

I read a book once in high school and the dude that wrote it and became famous and died totally agrees with me. I WIN

"I don't like your tone"

It's really rude for you to have opinions of your own instead of just agreeing with mine, Miss. But if you must do this, at the very least start using winky emoticons and "LOL" after everything you type so that you appear to be a thirteen year old girl and my intelligence won't be as threatened.

"With all due respect..."

I don't respect you.

"No offense, but..."

This is really offensive, but you are not allowed to react as though it is.

"These culture war issues are just meant to distract people from what is really important"

Do we really need to deal with your stupid civil rights and liberties right now when they are trying to raise the sales tax by a fourth of a cent?

"I'm just being objective/logical/factual"

I'm so convinced of my own self-righteousness at this point that it's probably a huge waste of time trying to convince me otherwise.

"Google it"

Even though I'm the one making it, I can't support my own argument. I was hoping you can?

"God is great"

I'm a condescending jackass that needs to push my personal moral system on you so that I can feel superior over you.

"God is not great"

I'm a condescending jackass that needs to push my personal moral system on you so that I can feel superior over you.

"I debate a lot online. I find it to be excellent mental exercise, and I think it helps me from becoming an arrogant jackass."

I'm going to assign some higher intellectual meaning to my behavior rather then admitting that I don't really have a life.

Also, Ron Paul would have given the slaves low cost medical exams, so it's okay

This came across my G+ stream today. In case you don't want to sit through it, it's a video put out to show support for Ron Paul's opinions regarding the Civil War (he didn't think it needed to come to war, but since it did, he supported the Confederacy), and apparently the best way Ron Paul supporters have come up with to respond to the inevitable "What the fuck" reaction by sane folks is to claim that Lincoln was the biggest racist ever and he just started the war because he's just a big old federal asshole and if he'd just left everything alone the confederacy would have abolished the institution of slavery the following Tuesday or something along those lines.

The sad thing is that I can't even tell anymore if this is sincere or a pretty brilliant attempt at trolling. I'd like to think it's trolling, I mean, you have to be at least a little amused by a smug-looking Lincoln hovering over images of dead confederates (I realize that some of these folks were roped in by other means, but still, it just reads "Aw damn, look at all those poor dead slave owners being all dead and shit!" to me). It seems kind of strange to put out a video pushing the idea that Lincoln was the real racist and slip in an "inspiring" speech by Ron Paul set in front of a confederate flag, talking about what a total waste the civil war was. And the jokes kind of write themselves - printed quotes that are pretty racist from a political actor in the 1800s should have you shaking your head at the shame of racism in this country but quotes from the 90s from a political actor? IT'S JUST AN ATTEMPT BY THE HATERS TO DISCREDIT A GOOD MAN IT WAS A GHOST WRITER GOD WILL YOU JUST LET IT GO ALREADY IT WAS LIKE 20 YEARS AGO.

But much like they do every primary season, some Ron Paul supporters become so unhinged that it becomes parody. So I'm thinking that this is sincere, yet another attempt convince the idiot public made up of folks like myself that blindly accept things called "facts" or "voting histories" or "published newsletters", that we are not thinking these things through - so certainly this YouTube video that features emotional images, inspiring quotes, and heart-string pulling melodies will free us from the confines of simple-minded propaganda. And people, if we just accept Ron Paul's completely false and re-written history of the Civil War, then we will totally see that he's not a racist, and that ending slavery was actually one of the biggest abuses of civil rights that the federal government has ever carried out!

Right. So let's just clear up a few things really quick before we get back to basing our entire political philosophy on inspiring 5 minute YouTube videos.

Yes, the civil war was costly, damaging, and devastating to human life. So perhaps one should ask why the Confederacy decided that keeping and expanding slavery was so important to them that they had to wage it. A funny thing that Paul and his supporters keep failing to mention is that the Confederacy started the Civil War, when they fired on Fort Sumter. I suppose you could say that the North goaded them into it, which in turn I'd have to point out that you could easily make the argument that the South goaded the North into goading the South into war what with the ownership of human beings and.... whatever. The idea that slavery would eventually just go away if we did nothing not only makes no sense at all (if someone starts a war to keep and expand slavery, doing nothing obviously would not have made it go away at that point), and the claim that everyone else avoided war in getting rid of it is false. What is really hilarious here is that Paul's claim that we didn't need a war, that we could have ended slavery by buying the slaves and freeing them? Well, Lincoln actually tried to do that, with little success.

Yes, the civil war was about protecting the right to enslave the black population. That this was based in economics (obviously the loss of free labor would mean a huge hit in profits) does not change this.  Alexander Stephen, the Vice President of the confederacy, put it pretty fucking plainly in what we know as the "Cornerstone Speech" back in 1861:

"Our new Government is founded upon exactly the opposite ideas; its foundations are laid, its cornerstone rests, upon the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery, subordination to the superior race, is his natural and normal condition."

I have a hunch that this one won't end up in any of the YouTube videos.

And yes - the idea that we could just wait around is a statement of extreme privilege, to the point that it is too absurd to even entertain. If you are not in any danger of every being enslaved merely by the virtue of where and to whom you were born, it's pretty fucking easy (and incredibly lazy) to just ask those that are to be patient, grin and bear it as their spouses and children are raped, killed, or sold off to the highest bidder (funny how in that video we don't see any of those pictures) because eventually we think that society will totally figure it out, you know, maybe in a few decades or centuries or so. What is amusing is that I have a feeling that those that support Ron Paul because of his "Liberty!" shtick would be the first to scream bloody murder if I even suggested that perhaps they should do that.

Anyway. The rewriting of history that claims it was over "State's Rights" or an abuse of the federal government came decades later, because apologists for the white supremacist movement realized that blatantly supporting slavery and racism just wasn't as appealing to the public anymore and instead, they needed to code that shit into dog whistles. And what a successful PR move that was; for even though the history is right there for anyone to read, it appears that once you throw in a Hot Air Balloon and an avalanche of emotionally tear-inducing YouTube videos that feature inspiring images set over dramatic music and randomly cherry-picked and out of context quotes about liberty and then some scary pictures of police in riot gear, it apparently can dupe a lot of people even today.

Is it really so much to ask that people at least learn a little bit about this subject before they attempt to appropriate it?  For a movement that claims to be so intellectually above it all, that portrays itself to be the truth-speakers throwing us a rope to save us all from drowning in the a sea of propaganda, they sure set themselves up as useful little tools for the white supremacist attempt to turn this country back to a time where your basic civil rights ended at the state line.

But no war, and weed, and all that old shit.